satire Archives - The Observer

This Was the Worst Spirit Week Ever

April 30, 2019

When I saw a McMahon bulletin board advertising an upcoming spirit week, I thought things would be different this time. Each day promised new events. It was the culmination of a whole month of “giving it up” for something, apparently.

Liquid Cash: the Fordham Cup Conspiracy

February 19, 2019

Fordham’s budget isn’t going to its London program; it’s funding the creation of thousands and thousands of elegant plastic cups decorated with the logo of our fine institution. Big Ben? More like Big Gulp.

Fordham Dining Hall is a Food Lover’s Free-For-All

February 19, 2019

Out for a pleasant stroll a few evenings ago, I found myself hopelessly lost in the bowels of Fordham University. I took several elevators (both up and down), an escalator and eventually discovered myself to be in a dumbwaiter that had popped out of thin air. When I was finally able to take in my surroundings, I was standing in front of the finest Fordham dining establishment on this blessed campus: the freshman dining hall.

SATIRE – Budget Troubles Lead to USG Shutdown

February 6, 2019

As of Thursday, Feb. 5, United Student Government (USG) has been in a state of partial shutdown for 47 consecutive days. This breaks the previous record of two days in 2013, when the USG President at the time lost his keys. Shockingly, Austin Tong, Gabelli School of Business ’21, is not at fault this time.

Bananas Are the Devil’s Fruit

December 5, 2018

Big Apple, meet Big Banana.

Celebrities Should Not Have Opinions

November 7, 2018

I’m sorry — the old, apolitical Taylor can’t come to the phone right now. Why? Oh, because she’s a Democrat.

Fighting Extremism with Extremism

September 26, 2018

The neo-Nazis’ tiki torches glow near. In this dark hour for America, reason, honor and dignity have fa...

Midnight Midterm Madness: How (Best) to Cram for Midterms

February 28, 2018

So your professors are starting to mention midterms at the ends of your classes, and you’re confused ...

SATIRE: Fordham’s War on Color

February 15, 2018

Ask anyone at Fordham: they’ll tell you they don’t see color. I do. There’s a problem at Fordham Coll...

Thanksgiving 2017: A Debate Primer

November 16, 2017

For some, the word “Thanksgiving” conjures rosy memories of food, friends and family. But we all ...

A Brunch with Death: Student Caught in Meal Limbo

October 26, 2017

UNDERGRADUATE DINING HALL—In the aftermath of what has been described by witnesses as “the greatest...

Newest Ram Statue Sparks Never-Before-Seen School Spirit

October 2, 2017

Top university officials dropped a 500-pound bombshell on the student body just weeks ago—what has...