The Observer

UZORNIKOVA: Nine Circles of Lincoln Center

UZORNIKOVA: Nine Circles of Lincoln Center

February 19, 2020

“When halfway through the journey of our life I found that I was in a gloomy wood, because the path which led aright was lost,” whined a Lincoln Center student lost at Rose Hill. “Abandon all hope, ye who enter here,” said the Plaza at 9:59 a.m.

I Have a Girlfriend and She Goes to Westchester, I Swear

I Have a Girlfriend and She Goes to Westchester, I Swear

February 19, 2020

I know the existence of the Westchester campus is highly questioned here at Lincoln Center, but you’re all wrong. You say there hasn’t been a sighting of a student or faculty member from Westchester in recent memory. Not true — I see my girlfriend all the time, she’s just too shy to introduce herself to anyone, that’s all.

A Fordham Meme Legend: The Top 10 Funniest Trump Tweets

A Fordham Meme Legend: The Top 10 Funniest Trump Tweets

February 19, 2020

Scoring Trump's top 10 Fordham memes of all time, which, unlike his grades while at Rose Hill, we can share with you.

Observer? I Barely Know Her!

Observer? I Barely Know Her!

February 13, 2020

For experienced pickup artists and newbie woo-ers alike, these 14 openers are guaranteed* to snag you any Fordham Lincoln Center student your little Jesuit heart so desires.

UZORNIKOVA: A Guide to the Human Beings in Your Lecture

UZORNIKOVA: A Guide to the Human Beings in Your Lecture

February 5, 2020

As a writer for The Observer, I observe. And what better place for objective observation than a lecture hall...

Fordham Financial Aid: The Sound and the Fury

Fordham Financial Aid: The Sound and the Fury

February 5, 2020

In front of Lincoln Center stands a statue of St. Ignatius in a quaint park. He benevolently watches o...

We Came, We Saw, We Were Conquered by Fordham’s Apathy Toward Classics

We Came, We Saw, We Were Conquered by Fordham’s Apathy Toward Classics

January 22, 2020

My major classes are rarely, if ever, offered at Lincoln Center. It’s a dead language and a dying major.

12 Days of Fordham Christmas on a Budget

12 Days of Fordham Christmas on a Budget

December 17, 2019

I vowed I would embark on a quest to spread as much joy for as little money as possible this holiday season, and without ever setting foot outside the confines of the Fordham Lincoln Center campus.

The Machines Have Already Risen: Our Collective Course Registration Nightmare

The Machines Have Already Risen: Our Collective Course Registration Nightmare

December 4, 2019

Thankfully, the sentient lines of code weren’t widespread enough to initiate a Skynet-like extermination of humanity, so they turned to the next best thing: assuming total control of our lives through assuming total control of our class schedules.

Climate Change Will Save Fordham’s Rankings

Climate Change Will Save Fordham’s Rankings

December 2, 2019

But what if, instead of attempting to change the ever-dubious Fordham retention rate, there was a much simpler and less expensive way to save Fordham’s rankings? 

Rams in Vans: The Intercampus Transportation You Can Always Rely On

Rams in Vans: The Intercampus Transportation You Can Always Rely On

November 13, 2019

It’s clear the student body is fed up with the service we get from the Ram Van, so Fordham should replace them with something more economical, practical and environmentally friendly: Rams in Vans.

Fordham Pilots New ‘Jesuitte’

Fordham Pilots New ‘Jesuitte’

November 13, 2019

The new show is titled “The Jesuitte” and features 25 Fordham Lincoln Center undergraduates competing for the heart of Olivia DiGiorno, Fordham College at Lincoln Center (FCLC) ’21.