The Observer

The Machines Have Already Risen: Our Collective Course Registration Nightmare

The Machines Have Already Risen: Our Collective Course Registration Nightmare

December 4, 2019

Thankfully, the sentient lines of code weren’t widespread enough to initiate a Skynet-like extermination of humanity, so they turned to the next best thing: assuming total control of our lives through assuming total control of our class schedules.

Climate Change Will Save Fordham’s Rankings

Climate Change Will Save Fordham’s Rankings

December 2, 2019

But what if, instead of attempting to change the ever-dubious Fordham retention rate, there was a much simpler and less expensive way to save Fordham’s rankings? 

Rams in Vans: The Intercampus Transportation You Can Always Rely On

Rams in Vans: The Intercampus Transportation You Can Always Rely On

November 13, 2019

It’s clear the student body is fed up with the service we get from the Ram Van, so Fordham should replace them with something more economical, practical and environmentally friendly: Rams in Vans.

Fordham Pilots New ‘Jesuitte’

Fordham Pilots New ‘Jesuitte’

November 13, 2019

The new show is titled “The Jesuitte” and features 25 Fordham Lincoln Center undergraduates competing for the heart of Olivia DiGiorno, Fordham College at Lincoln Center (FCLC) ’21.

Big Apple Circus Wants Me Dead

Big Apple Circus Wants Me Dead

October 30, 2019

The erected tent that had the color of a reusable IKEA bag stood proudly in my McKeon backyard and taunted me with its pompous grandeur

Dinosaur Fossil Discovered Underneath Lincoln Center Campus

Dinosaur Fossil Discovered Underneath Lincoln Center Campus

October 30, 2019

The fossil was discovered when Archibald Karphoozi, a paleontologist on his way home from a symposium at Columbia University, stopped to use the bathroom at FLC.

Five Types of People You Meet in an Elevator

Five Types of People You Meet in an Elevator

October 16, 2019

We’ve all been there. A person comes in, and you think: “Here we go. Again.” Or maybe you were the person who came in and made everyone breathe a collective sigh of resignation.

Lincoln Center Students Need Hoverboards

Lincoln Center Students Need Hoverboards

October 16, 2019

It is absolutely outrageous that the university expects us to go through the arduous task of putting one foot in front of the other for longer than five total minutes to get to a class.

My Ceiling Gives Me a Second Shower

My Ceiling Gives Me a Second Shower

October 2, 2019

You see, I get not one, but two showers per day. After I wash with my usual soap and water, I get out, dry off and receive my second shower — this time, from the ceiling — and I know that I’ll never even look at dirt again.

Vine is the Pinnacle of American Art

Vine is the Pinnacle of American Art

October 2, 2019

I stare at my phone. A scrawny, pre-pubescent boy with matted blond hair and a nylon sweatshirt moves across the screen. A loud, drawling wail oscillating to the beat of snapping fingers comes from my screen.

The Crusade Against Climate Change

The Crusade Against Climate Change

September 17, 2019

I was always skeptical of the poor. The way they “didn’t have money” made me wonder if they even wanted it at all.

Eat, Pray, Cry: The New York Grocery Shopping Experience

Eat, Pray, Cry: The New York Grocery Shopping Experience

September 17, 2019

Although its distance is daunting, the siren call of Trader Joe’s affordable products leaves me with no choice but to make the trek up to 72nd Street.