The Observer

Students Should Rejoice for New McKeon Floor Griddles

Students Should Rejoice for New McKeon Floor Griddles

April 30, 2019

President Rev. Joseph M. McShane, S.J., spontaneously decided we needed more monogrammed cups and needed to find money in the budget. But in return for this noble sacrifice, Fordham will be equipping every student with a spatula, a personalized chef’s apron and a complimentary floor cleaning kit.

This Was the Worst Spirit Week Ever

This Was the Worst Spirit Week Ever

April 30, 2019

When I saw a McMahon bulletin board advertising an upcoming spirit week, I thought things would be different this time. Each day promised new events. It was the culmination of a whole month of “giving it up” for something, apparently.

Cryptid Found on Campus

Cryptid Found on Campus

April 9, 2019

On March 31, 2019, students were stunned when a creature long assumed to be myth was spotted at the Ildiko Butler Gallery.

Ancestral Wealth Gets Me Again

Ancestral Wealth Gets Me Again

April 9, 2019

Recently, it came to my attention that I am broke. New York is expensive and I was never that rich in the first place, so things have only gone downhill upon my arrival at Lincoln Center in September.

We’ve All Bin Fooled: Recycling a Hoax

We’ve All Bin Fooled: Recycling a Hoax

March 28, 2019

RecycleMania and its baseless statistics threaten to reveal a truth the banners know well, but it is a revelation we’ve never suspected: Recycling. Isn’t. Real.

Elevator Mayhem: My Scandalous Soup Saga

Elevator Mayhem: My Scandalous Soup Saga

March 27, 2019

The cursed night of the soup saga is one I will never forget. I want to say that the elevator miraculously appeared, that I got onto it in time and held my soup up high for all to see. But it didn’t come.

McMahon Freshmen Oppression Must Lessen

McMahon Freshmen Oppression Must Lessen

March 13, 2019

Fordham University is trying to divide its freshman class. After Orientation and outside of class, there aren’t many ways the members of both houses of Fordham can run into each other; so what do you do during that interim time before you find your real friends — dare I say your ramily — when signing you in to hang out in their room is a level of formality you just haven’t reached yet?

Liquid Cash: the Fordham Cup Conspiracy

Liquid Cash: the Fordham Cup Conspiracy

February 19, 2019

Fordham’s budget isn’t going to its London program; it’s funding the creation of thousands and thousands of elegant plastic cups decorated with the logo of our fine institution. Big Ben? More like Big Gulp.

Fordham Dining Hall is a Food Lover’s Free-For-All

Fordham Dining Hall is a Food Lover’s Free-For-All

February 19, 2019

Out for a pleasant stroll a few evenings ago, I found myself hopelessly lost in the bowels of Fordham University. I took several elevators (both up and down), an escalator and eventually discovered myself to be in a dumbwaiter that had popped out of thin air. When I was finally able to take in my surroundings, I was standing in front of the finest Fordham dining establishment on this blessed campus: the freshman dining hall.