The Observer

the inside of the Fordham Lincoln Center bookstore, where a freshman can buy merchandise

The Freshest of Freshmen

October 15, 2020

I am the maroon monster walking the halls, and, of course, I had to take a picture of myself standing in front of the ram statue.

graphic of a person's head with a mullet hairdo on a blue diamond-shaped background, with text reading

Zoom University Makes Me Want to Get a Mullet

October 7, 2020

With business in the front and a party in the back, a mullet is bound to spice up your daily Zoom meetings.

graphics of the 12 zodiac signs of astrology

7 Things That Are NOT Your Fault: Blame it on Astrology

October 4, 2020

If you believe in astrology, you’re in luck, because guess what: All of your mistakes can be explained by your natal chart.

UZORNIKOVA: Read Before Living Alone

UZORNIKOVA: Read Before Living Alone

March 10, 2020

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not complaining about being privileged enough to have my own place at 19 — I’m on cloud nine. But I do think that I would have been better adjusted if I had known what I know now before I moved out.

The Top 10 Places to Cry in Public at Fordham Lincoln Center

The Top 10 Places to Cry in Public at Fordham Lincoln Center

March 10, 2020

Whether you want everyone around you to see your tears and take pity, prefer a more quiet and private session or are simply looking for some solitude, the FLC campus accommodates us all — residents and commuters alike.

UZORNIKOVA: Nine Circles of Lincoln Center

UZORNIKOVA: Nine Circles of Lincoln Center

February 19, 2020

“When halfway through the journey of our life I found that I was in a gloomy wood, because the path which led aright was lost,” whined a Lincoln Center student lost at Rose Hill. “Abandon all hope, ye who enter here,” said the Plaza at 9:59 a.m.

I Have a Girlfriend and She Goes to Westchester, I Swear

I Have a Girlfriend and She Goes to Westchester, I Swear

February 19, 2020

I know the existence of the Westchester campus is highly questioned here at Lincoln Center, but you’re all wrong. You say there hasn’t been a sighting of a student or faculty member from Westchester in recent memory. Not true — I see my girlfriend all the time, she’s just too shy to introduce herself to anyone, that’s all.

A Fordham Meme Legend: The Top 10 Funniest Trump Tweets

A Fordham Meme Legend: The Top 10 Funniest Trump Tweets

February 19, 2020

Scoring Trump's top 10 Fordham memes of all time, which, unlike his grades while at Rose Hill, we can share with you.

Go out and set your sweetheart's world on fire.

Observer? I Barely Know Her!

February 13, 2020

For experienced pickup artists and newbie woo-ers alike, these 14 openers are guaranteed* to snag you any Fordham Lincoln Center student your little Jesuit heart so desires.

UZORNIKOVA: A Guide to the Human Beings in Your Lecture

UZORNIKOVA: A Guide to the Human Beings in Your Lecture

February 5, 2020

As a writer for The Observer, I observe. And what better place for objective observation than a lecture hall...

Fordham Financial Aid: The Sound and the Fury

Fordham Financial Aid: The Sound and the Fury

February 5, 2020

In front of Lincoln Center stands a statue of St. Ignatius in a quaint park. He benevolently watches o...

Who needs people like Aristotle, Plato or Cicero when you have obvious political and ethical experts such as our country’s president? 

We Came, We Saw, We Were Conquered by Fordham’s Apathy Toward Classics

January 22, 2020

My major classes are rarely, if ever, offered at Lincoln Center. It’s a dead language and a dying major.