The Observer

UZORNIKOVA: Nine Circles of Lincoln Center

UZORNIKOVA: Nine Circles of Lincoln Center

February 19, 2020

“When halfway through the journey of our life I found that I was in a gloomy wood, because the path which led aright was lost,” whined a Lincoln Center student lost at Rose Hill. “Abandon all hope, ye who enter here,” said the Plaza at 9:59 a.m.

I Have a Girlfriend and She Goes to Westchester, I Swear

I Have a Girlfriend and She Goes to Westchester, I Swear

February 19, 2020

I know the existence of the Westchester campus is highly questioned here at Lincoln Center, but you’re all wrong. You say there hasn’t been a sighting of a student or faculty member from Westchester in recent memory. Not true — I see my girlfriend all the time, she’s just too shy to introduce herself to anyone, that’s all.

When students return to school after summer break, many are despondent over what they’ve forgotten. What if there was something more sinister at play?

Summer Mega Brain

August 25, 2019

I’m sure that if you took all the smarts lost by Fordham University students and combined them together, you would get a larger-than-average brain. A big brain, if you will.

Canada isn’t as great as many people make it out to be. It’s time to spill the maple syrup on the world’s worst country.

Oh, Canada

August 25, 2019

After being forced to live in this godforsaken country for two months, it is clear the government here does not know how to manage their money. I have seen the effects first hand: healthier people, a cleaner environment and less debt. As an American, it baffles me.

You Have Too Much Space: Why Fordham Needs More Forced Triples

You Have Too Much Space: Why Fordham Needs More Forced Triples

July 18, 2019

Space was getting sparse until the Office of Residential Life came up with an ingenious solution: putting three people in rooms meant for two.

This Was the Worst Spirit Week Ever

This Was the Worst Spirit Week Ever

April 30, 2019

When I saw a McMahon bulletin board advertising an upcoming spirit week, I thought things would be different this time. Each day promised new events. It was the culmination of a whole month of “giving it up” for something, apparently.

If a cup tree grows in a forest, does anyone notice where their tuition is going?

Liquid Cash: the Fordham Cup Conspiracy

February 19, 2019

Fordham’s budget isn’t going to its London program; it’s funding the creation of thousands and thousands of elegant plastic cups decorated with the logo of our fine institution. Big Ben? More like Big Gulp.

Courses at the freshman dining hall never cease to amaze — kevlar ham, deconstructed pizza and room temperature cereal among them.

Fordham Dining Hall is a Food Lover’s Free-For-All

February 19, 2019

Out for a pleasant stroll a few evenings ago, I found myself hopelessly lost in the bowels of Fordham University. I took several elevators (both up and down), an escalator and eventually discovered myself to be in a dumbwaiter that had popped out of thin air. When I was finally able to take in my surroundings, I was standing in front of the finest Fordham dining establishment on this blessed campus: the freshman dining hall.