Dear Members of the Campus Community,

We remind you that members of the University community should not approach any feral anti-vaxxers or other wild animals, either on or off campus. In particular, never feed, handle, touch, grab or make sudden movements toward these animals.

Feral anti-vaxxers live around the country, and some even in the vicinity of New York City, the original hotspot of the COVID-19 pandemic. They are typically born in West Virginia or Ohio and have had excessive human interaction over the past 18 months. If you get too close, a feral anti-vaxxer will see it as an invitation and may respond by telling you that they just need to do their own research or by coughing uncontrollably. Even if the anti-vaxxer is not infected with COVID-19 or another disease that has yet to hit the general population, conversations with anti-vaxxers inject a great number of harmful scientific “facts” into the brain and often into the general public’s opinion. This may lead to serious misinformation if not treated promptly and aggressively. 

Fordham has an anti-vaxxer management program and has engaged a specialist to oversee the University’s nonlethal Trap, Vax, Release (TVR) program to humanely trap feral anti-vaxxers, teach them to cover both their mouth and their nose with their mask, vaccinate them against COVID-19 and other diseases, and surgically “notch” the anti-vaxxers’ ears to identify them visually. The anti-vaxxers are then released to a colony in the state of Florida. We ask that anyone who observes an anti-vaxxer without a notched ear notify Campus Custodial Operations.

The TVR program is based on recommendations from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention and New York City’s Feral Anti-Vaxxer Initiative to reduce the number of citizens who barely passed 9th-grade biology but still think they know more than seasoned epidemiologists. An established anti-vax population is welcoming and invites new members through Facebook and internet conspiracy theories, but in time, the feral anti-vax population is reduced by the spreading of a deadly respiratory virus. The untreated anti-vaxxers also tend to assist in keeping the Measles virus, along with other nearly eradicated diseases, in circulation. 

The vast majority of feral anti-vaxxers cannot be rescued because they are scared of, and aggressive toward, logic and doing anything for the public good. They cannot be socialized enough for adoption into society without a prohibitive expense of time, effort and Bill Nye the Science Guy videos. In any case, removing the anti-vaxxers from the country would simply open a new territory for other feral anti-vaxxers to inhabit, increasing the overall number of feral superspreaders without solving the problem.

Please do not hesitate to contact Campus Custodial Operations or Public Safety if you have any questions.

Thank you in advance for following precautions to protect yourself and other members of the University community. 

Sincerely, 

“Fordham Department of Public Safety”