RANDOM MCMAHON SIRENS SIGNAL PURGE
Fire Safety Director Ron Chee offered a disturbing explanation for the months of mysterious alarms in McMahon.
Residents of McMahon Hall reel from almond milk theft and presumed kidnappings that resulted from The Purge.
April 1, 2023
Disclaimer: No one is actually missing. We think.
From rodent neighbors to burst pipes, Fordham University’s McMahon Hall residents are no strangers to interruptions. But what started as a peaceful night on March 31 quickly turned into a nightmare of chaos and fear. As bleary-eyed residents stumbled out of their rooms in pajamas due to another fire safety announcement, they soon realized that the blaring alarms were not a routine fire drill but rather a terrifying signal: The Purge had begun.
The Purge, a twelve-hour period where all crime, including murder, is legal, has been the subject of a popular movie franchise for years, spanning multiple sequels and adaptations. In what initially seemed like Hollywood’s next attempt to revitalize a classic trope, this fictional world of mayhem and madness has now become a reality for students residing in Fordham Lincoln Center’s 20-story residence hall.
‘SPSOSJSJSDPLDPS jsalfjdlkjsd’, the building’s Fire Safety Director Ron Chee said. ‘AHjfsdj, ASHSFGUASDF AKUGJSDFAEH’.
Some strategies that were seen during this horror scene included students creating and hoarding makeshift tools, while others barricaded themselves in their rooms.
Chee added that The Purge’s purpose was to act as a community effort to allow students to experience the realities that their rich neighbors of the Upper West Side have to face.
The dimly lit halls of McMahon became a battleground as residents readied themselves for the night of their lives. Their first priority? Raiding the vending machines on the fourteenth floor. Students stormed the laundry rooms, not to pick up the sopping piles of clothes on the washing machines but to find their next OOTD (outfit of the day) for school.
Some strategies that were seen during this horror scene included students creating and hoarding makeshift tools, while others barricaded themselves in their rooms. Students had also chosen to band together for safety but had found themselves unable to trust those who they’d deemed their closest friends and roommates.
‘I tried to get all of my suitemates together for safety, but it turns out they were the ones drinking my almond milk’, Anna Conda, FCLC (Fordham College at Lincoln Center) ‘26, said. ‘I locked myself in the back bathroom, and I haven’t looked back’.
As the night drew on, crimes began to elevate. Roommates argued over whose turn it was to do the dishes while others fought over who got to use the last of the hot water for their second shower of the night.
Although most students took the night as an opportunity to engage in criminal behavior, some residents ignored the alarms and proceeded to live life normally.
‘I woke up to my roommates fighting because someone’s commemorative ramen bowl was stuck in the sink. I thought it was just a normal day’, Ella Vator, GSBLC (Gabelli School of Business at Lincoln Center) ‘25, said. ‘My heart sank when I stepped outside and saw our neighbors’ apartment fully trashed’.
While the Office of Residential Life’s staff members were not made aware of The Purge, they were officially relieved of their duties and were free to partake in the night’s events. One RA (resident assistant), FCLC ‘24, who wished to remain anonymous due to concerns over their private business ventures stemming from their apartment, shared that they carried out their previously scheduled health and safety inspections.
‘Come on, guys. I get it’s The Purge, but you can’t have fire hazards’ Anonymous RA
‘I had this one group of boys who threw a party, another group of girls put up string lights and scented candles, and I think I even saw someone trying to smuggle in a basket of stray kittens, but they passed with flying colors’, the RA said.
The anonymous RA added that the only violation they gave was for the apartment on their floor that left their door bolted.
‘Come on, guys. I get it’s The Purge, but you can’t have fire hazards’, they said. ’You know that’s a fine’.
As the sun rose on a new day, The Purge ended as abruptly as it began, leaving behind a trail of chaos and confusion. Students emerged from their apartments, red-eyed and shaken, as they tried to make sense of the night’s thrilling events.
‘I always thought that college would be the best years of my life, but I never imagined that they would include surviving The Purge’Stew Pidd, FCLC ‘24
Despite the fear and absurdity, many students found some solace in the fact that they had made it through the night alive and were ready to tackle another thrilling day at Fordham Lincoln Center.
‘I always thought that college would be the best years of my life, but I never imagined that they would include surviving The Purge’, Stew Pidd, FCLC ‘24, said. ‘I never thought I’d be grateful for a night without any dishes in the sink, but after we went through, I’ll take it’.
In the days since The Purge, search and rescue efforts have been largely unsuccessful, with many students remaining unaccounted for. Chee noted that no additional efforts will be made to find these students since the event was blown out of proportion.
