A 6% tuition and room-and-board increase for the 2023-24 academic year was announced on March 30 in emails sent to the Fordham community from University President Tania Tetlow, J.D. This announcement is attributed to new renovations that are set to take place in the summer to install the RamSpa, a bathing room and extension of McMahon’s RamFit Center that will replace the fourteenth floor’s soft lounge that ate my dollar while I was trying to buy a Coke today. 

Many Fordham students have complained about the lack of opportunity to take a nice, relaxing bubble bath after a stressful day. This change comes from a desire to advance university mental health efforts as well as increase university resident satisfaction. This definitely gets an A-plus from myself and my closest colleagues.

‘I am ecstatic about this new installation’, Funk E. Aroma, FCLC (Fordham College at Lincoln Center) ‘24, shared. ‘As an aspiring Twitch streamer, I don’t have much incentive to stop grinding and take a shower. Maybe this will change that’. 

Between reservations, a Roomba mop will scrub the tub to ensure minimal cross-contamination and decrease the spread of foot fungus.

The bathing room will include noncandle mood lighting, assorted bubble bath solution, Crayola bath markers, and a Ramses-themed rubber ducky. There will also be a cinema-sized television fixed with Tetlow’s personal streaming accounts, as well as a Bluetooth surround sound system. Upon request, the presidential dog, Archie, will reenact the Lady and the Tramp spaghetti scene with you for optimum happiness increase. 

Many students may opt out of their personal music for the wailing sounds of RamSpa’s attendant Moaning Myrtle. She will be available to monitor water temperature, restock towels, and give massages using the sound waves produced by the sounds of her misery. Visitors are encouraged to avoid angering Myrtle for the sake of RamSpa’s plumbing systems. 

Residents of McKeon and McMahon Halls will be able to reserve their bath time on 25Live in sixty- and one hundred and twenty-minute increments. They will be permitted 3 bathing sessions per semester before being referred to an off-campus spa house. Between reservations, a Roomba mop will scrub the tub to ensure minimal cross-contamination and decrease the spread of foot fungus. 

Despite initial concerns regarding the tuition and room-and-board fee increase, the decision to install a new spa in McMahon Hall appears to be a positive step forward for the overall satisfaction of the campus community and reflects recent efforts to be more transparent in university spending.

Despite initial concerns regarding the tuition and room-and-board fee increase, the decision to install a new spa in McMahon Hall appears to be a positive step forward for the overall satisfaction of the campus community and reflects recent efforts to be more transparent in university spending. 

Stay tuned for more updates from this Lover of Bloomin’ Onions. Shelby out.