Should We Be Friends With Benefits?


Published: October 25, 2007

We’ve all heard it before; having friends with “benefits” is a common thing these days.  A lot of people I know are becoming involved in these types of relationships, and I’ve been wondering what exactly are the benefits? It seems as though everyone has his or her own interpretation; some say it’s just “hooking up,” for others, it could just be kissing or being intimate with someone that technically is not his or her significant other. While for many, these benefits go beyond a physical level.  It seems as if people are looking to find someone they can talk to and connect with expressively.  Maybe these “benefits” mean just having someone there when you need them.

Many young people, who like each other but are not in a titled relationship, have the same feelings that people in a romantic relationship would have. We, girls especially, tend to get more attached than guys do, and the risk factor of getting hurt is just as high if not higher than that involved in a romantic relationship.  The fact that the two are not officially together makes the chances of getting hurt worse because you might end up falling for someone that was never really yours.

The concept of having friends with benefits is just bad!  Sure, we can all say that we wouldn’t get attached or it’s all just fun and a part of being young.  If this was really true, why do people get so upset when their “friend” is seen with someone else? Girls, especially, when they see their “friend” talking to another girl or going out with someone else, it gets to them.   I’m sure there are guys out there that feel the same way; the jealousy factor plays a big role in these types of situations.

One of the major concerns in this type of relationship is the fear that one might actually end up falling for the other where the feelings aren’t mutual.  For some, being friends with benefits doesn’t go beyond a physical level.  They do not allow themselves to get emotionally attached.  In the end, it’s a fun and easy way to avoid all the drama we see people involved in when they’re in a relationship, right? Wrong! Just because there isn’t any official title doesn’t mean there will be no emotional feelings.  People are human after all, and being with someone, seeing them, talking to them, going out with them, is bound to form some kind of attachment, whether we want to admit it or not.

The friends with benefits relationship will never work, the attraction will always be there and the whole situation is made worse by knowing you can’t be with the person.  I think this scenario can be just as stressful and sometimes even more stressful than an actual relationship.  There are so many complications and emotions that can be involved.  If you’re going into a friends with benefit type of situation, just know that you are digging your own grave. You can keep telling yourself that it’s not going to bother you and in rare circumstances it might not, but for the most part, you are creating emotional stress for yourself.

If you have a choice, avoid this type of scenario at all costs; you will be saving yourself a lot of trouble.  If you want to be with someone, you might as well make it an official relationship.  Friends with benefits is the fake version of a relationship, and we all know that what is fake is no good. So do yourselves a favor and just stay clear of friends with benefits — it will make life a whole lot easier.