Forget 2012! The Zombie Apocalypse is Already Upon Us!

By SADIA NOOR
August 4, 2011

The Zombie Research Society has declared May to be National Zombie Awareness Month, which raises the question: if a zombie apocalypse were to strike Fordham Co;;ege at Lincoln Center (FCLC), what would you do? Luckily, the Fordham Observer has interviewed a specialized team of monster-fighting students with their own tips on how to avoid (or not avoid) joining the ranks of the living dead. Read on, if you want to live:

Charlie Puente, FCLC ’12
The “Skilled Soldier”

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First, retreat to McMahon Hall—it has only one entryway that can be barricaded with furniture, chairs, anything I can find. I would then gather a specialized team of people, preferably in good condition and able-bodied. Survival of the fittest; yes, Darwinism sucks. Our first line of defense would be the elevator lobby, where we would build a huge blockade with anything we can find. Next, we would have to start chucking stuff down the stairways so that it’s utterly impassable. Gravity is on your side here! In order for my men to be able to escape, we would pick the locks on these windows and jury rig and escape ladder, which would allow us to flee but prevent our undead foe from following. This ladder would have a security detail of  four to five armed men at all times. Through this method, we would have access to food, supplies, information. Ideally, we would hold out there for several months until we moved to a more secure location, like Governor’s Island.

Angie Chen, FCLC ’12
The “Chameleon Combatant”

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 Luckily for me, I have a plan all mapped out. First thing I would do is pretend to be a zombie. It’s the only way to survive! I would rub myself with rotting flesh, cover my face with zombie makeup, the whole nine yards. I’m completely serious! To survive, I would try to lay low. Because of my small stature, I can crawl into small spaces much easier. At Fordham, I would hide in the computer room because they have those tiny spaces in the corner. Or, on the 11th floor, there’s this really small closet – I would definitely hide in there. If the zombies were coming towards me, I’d just play dead—literally—and walk around with my arms up, moaning, “Hey guys! I’m one of you!”

Jackson Galan, FCLC ’12
The “Apathetic One”

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It’s pretty hopeless. I feel the zombies would probably get me. My opinion is that there is no surviving the zombie apocalypse. By definition, humans will be wiped out by the living dead. You can’t avoid it, so you might as well take it all in. If zombies hit Fordham, I’m going to go up to the roof and try to get a nice view of the apocalypse and call it quits. I’ll take a beer up there and see how long it takes. Enjoy it while it lasts.

Kiovangie Herrera, FCLC ’13
The “Fire Fighter”

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First, I would go to the cafeteria and gather all the knives, security guard flashlights, gasoline and things like that. Then, I would barricade everything from the ninth floor upwards with the horrible Sodexo food. My next step would be to take the leaf blower that the groundspeople never use and keep it up there so I can use it to just blow the zombies away. Or, if I had a lighter with me, I would use the gas and the lighter to turn the leaf blower into a flame thrower and light them zombies on fire! If I can’t fight with fire, just get me a baseball bat and I’m good. If there’s a zombie apocalypse, it’s no holds barred.

Janine Vicente, FCLC ’13
The “Dancing Destroyer”

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My first thought would be to hide where people wouldn’t normally go, so the cafeteria is a good bet. I would hide behind the counters. But if the zombies came toward me, it’s on. I would challenge them to a dance battle and then I would win. They would all die. You gotta do something zombies don’t know, right? Zombies know “Thriller,” they know Rihanna, so you can’t do that. So I would challenge them to something that puts zombies to sleep, something cheesy and girly. I would battle them through the cheesiness of Justin Bieber. Zombies would hate that. I would Bieber them to death!