Out With the Old, In With the New: Spring Signifies Sun, Friends and Ditching Old Trends


A few mornings ago, I slowly opened my eyes and wearily rolled out of bed to make a pot of coffee, which acts as my life support throughout the week. Two sips into my mug of steaming French Vanilla Roast, I heard a deafening crash coming from the bedroom I share with my roommate.

Partake in some much-needed spring cleaning by emptying out your closet from hideous past trends. (Mario Weddell/The Observer)

Fearing something awful had befallen my sleeping roommate, I rushed back into the bedroom and gawked at the piles of boxes littering the floor. My (now wide awake) roommate glanced at the 20 plus shoeboxes that were just minutes ago stacked atop my desk and turned her eyes toward me in an icy glare.

“Red patent leather clogs?” she asked incredulously, well aware of my impulsive spending habits. “I think it’s time for some spring cleaning.”

And she was absolutely right. Because of me, there were sweaters hanging from every doorknob, hook and handle. My textbooks were lost under piles of jeans, skirts and jackets.

Sifting through the seemingly endless mounds of stuff, I found a few gems to save for next season, like sleek blazers and striped tees. And then I found some pieces to be escorted out from under my bed and into the nearest black donation bag.

When I finally managed to get my many things under control, I discovered 10 trends that didn’t deserve a spot in my closet for 2011:

1. Shapeless Dresses

I wish someone would’ve told me that the sack look only works for pregnant women and petty thieves. When you’re strutting to class donning this oversized cross between a Grecian toga and a garbage bag, don’t delude yourself into thinking the stares from your classmates are those of approval. More likely than not, they’re wondering what you’re hiding under all that cotton.

2. Harem Pants

My genie just called and she wants her pants back. And that’s perfectly fine with me. These thigh-bulgers have the potential to be flattering on only the most stick-thin of us (as in .01 percent of the population). On the plus side, some Aladdin-loving preteens had a pleasantly easy time finding costumes last Halloween.

3. Boot Sandals

More often than not, oxymorons are synonymous with disaster in fashion. A prime example: pajama jeans. And boot sandals are only a notch or two higher on the totem pole than those infomercial experiments gone horribly wrong. They’re impossible to wear in summer without your legs becoming unbearably warm. But if you even step outside in them in the winter, your toes will freeze. So where does this leave our confused little boot and sandal hybrids? Playing with the dust bunnies at the back of our closets.

4. Mutilated Jeans

These prove that women should never take fashion advice from Freddy Kruger. While slashed garb might be on every horror film costume designer’s list, it should stay in theaters and away from the catwalks.

5. Clogs

Several months ago, I went on a date with a woman who was obnoxiously loud and depressingly unstylish. Needless to say, I never called her back. It’s time to throw these into the reject pile and move on to better trends. But don’t feel bad; your old clogs might just set their heels on those boot sandals.

6. Straw Fedoras

Britney Spears’ music might be making a comeback, but that doesn’t mean her fashion sense should. Remember when she started the visible thong trend? Yeah, we don’t want to think about that one either. Let’s leave the fedoras to grace Britney’s music videos and let our hair fly free in the spring breeze. We’ll never be mistaken for a mafia man or washed up pop diva again.

7. Denim on Denim

 Remember your grammar school crush? No matter how many ice pops you tempted him with, his biggest concern was collecting the latest Pikachu card. About five days later, you ditched him to crush on an ice pop-loving upperclassman. Haven’t you learned your lesson yet? Hillbilly chic didn’t work in the ’90s and it hasn’t gotten any better since. It’s time to get over it and immerse yourself in the styles of the big city.

8. Graphic Leggings

Leave the cartoons to the graphic novels and invest in a pair of opaque black tights. After all, who could ever notice a pair of toned legs under all of those hearts, stars and smiley faces? And aren’t we a little too old to follow the fashions of the kids in the corner comic book store?

9. High Waisted Jeans

While our grandmothers have been a fan of them ever since they reached retirement age, these are best left in the nursing homes and out of our wardrobes. Let’s face it: Grandma Mildred’s belly bulge was never flattering and neither is yours.

10. Tall Gladiator Sandals

This trend was taken right out of the history books, but Julius Caesar didn’t even take it this far. Suffering from leg constricting straps, fumbling with five buckles, and walking around Manhattan with zero arch support?  When I said I was a fan of vintage, I didn’t mean for fashion to go this far back! It’s time to fast-forward into a year of glamour, grace and great taste!