Published: September 24, 2009

The best part of my day as a kid was lying on the couch and relaxing while my imagination wandered to many wonderful, televised places. One minute I’d be hanging out with Arnold, playing outside with the gang and being taunted by the stoop kid, and the next I’d be reading Doug Funny’s private journal and giggling about his giant crush on Patty Mayonnaise. It was an escape from the real life struggles of a seven-year-old, like homework.

Nowadays, kids’ television is not at all relaxing. On the contrary, it is truly a lot of work. There is no time to get lost in the story because there is no plot. For children between the ages of two and six, Noggin is the “it” channel. It is the place to be after naptime! Noggin specializes in all educational programming for young kids. Programs like “Dora the Explorer,” “Go Diego Go,” “Lazy Town,” and “Yo Gabba Gabba” occupy the time slots and drive mothers even crazier than my Barney songs did. Before the show goes on, there is a detailed list describing the show and what developmental skills your child is supposed to gain from it.

During the show, the main character stops the story, turns to what is supposed to be the children on the couch and asks them what they think about the journey, or if they see the villain of the program nearby. Dora and Diego stop the show and ask a question, repeat themselves in Spanish, ask the question in a different format, and then in Spanish again. It pulls the child out of the story and disrupts their concentration on what is going on. I’ve seen the kids I’ve babysat get bored of this task and occupy themselves with another toy. They prefer simple tasks that don’t require so much brainpower.

This type of programming stunts a young child’s imagination. When I used to watch Barney he would set the stage, like a day at the beach or camping, and I used to sing the songs and pretend I was there, too. My couch served as the ocean and a few kitchen chairs and a blanket made an excellent tent. Shows like “Little Bear,” “The Flintstones” and “Scooby Doo” helped me create my own games and adventures.

Watching this generation’s children interact with their programming is just creepy. The show is more like a quiz than an actual story; it asks what happened during the show and the kids robotically repeat the answers the main character feeds them on the television. Kids need time to rest their brain and just be kids. After school, kids are supposed to run outside and play, participate in sports or clubs or just sit down and watch some television. This is how my generation was raised, without being involved in school or educational programming every millisecond, and we turned out more socialized and well-rounded than this generation’s children will be. Constant attempts at keeping a small child’s attention focused on school will lead to a harder time making friends because of more time feeling stressed and isolated.

Another downfall of today’s children’s shows is that they have a mixture of actors and animation. It isn’t just one or the other. These two elements don’t exist in each other’s worlds. Whenever “Lazy Town” is on, the kids I’m babysitting look at me with confused expressions. They know three of the main characters are real people and the others are puppets. They tell me, “Puppets can’t talk by themselves, so why is she talking to them?” Or they’ll ask why the main character is a person and her uncle a puppet. I can’t explain because I do not know what to tell them. This small dilemma totally preoccupied their minds and they missed the moral of the show: that too much junk food is bad. “Hey Arnold” wouldn’t have let that golden nugget fall through the cracks. Arnold would have had an example where he was eating healthily and his best friend Gerald wasn’t, and eventually Gerald would have gotten sick and learned his lesson. This is the way I learned to eat vegetables.

Honestly, people, have we turned out so awful that these children have to watch educational programming after school? We can let Dora and Boots lead us down the path of robotic children; they do have a map; or we can bring back the shows we grew up with? I would personally choose Scooby Doo over those crazy clay Yo Gabba Gabba figures that come to life but can’t form sentences any day.