Undeclared Studies


Psychology or Visual Art? Psychology AND visual art? (JESS LUSZCZYK/THE OBSERVER)


Bret fidgeted in his chair as he waited to meet with the associate assistant interim dean for junior students. He was meeting with Assoc. Asst. Int. Dean Mackey because Dean Ringheim was only in on Tuesdays, and Asst. Dean Riley had been fired for only helping political science majors get the classes they wanted. Likewise, Assoc. Dean West had been fired for helping everyone but political science majors graduate. In fact, West had been deleting polysci classes from the curriculum to facilitate this.

So the university had consolidated the three positions in Assoc. Asst. Int. Dean Mackey. Mackey was a new experiment in creating adjunct deans. There was a plan at Rogers College to even name an Adjunct President of the University by the end of the next year.

“So Bret, I’ve noticed that you forgot to declare a major last year?”

“No, my major is up there.”

“… It says undeclared.”

“Yes.” There was a pause. “That is my major.”

Bret actually had forgotten to declare a major, but he was trying to bluff because he hadn’t swallowed his pride yet. And he thought he could trick the dean into switching his major.

“Well I’ll check the records, but I don’t think… oh, there it is.”

“What?” Bret stared at the interim dean.

As it turns out, the official records of the college had never been corrected to say that “undeclared” wasn’t a major. Undeclared studies was a little known part of the college. Despite its lesser known status, it was one of the better regarded programs at Rogers College. They even claimed to have a number of famous alumni, including Academy Award-winning actor Christopher Walken.

There was actually no way of verifying this, as the records for Undeclared Studies were intrinsically hard to find. The only way people were accepted into the program was if a student either intentionally did not declare a major, or simply forgot to declare when necessary. Also unhelpful was that Walken himself would only smile cryptically when asked about the major program.

However, there were some drawbacks to this major. Members seemingly just blended into the background of the college from then on, even though they could take any classes they wanted to take. They just became those kids in the back of the class who never spoke up, but always got good grades. They never participated in anything but got all the recognition. They were the kids who you vaguely remember from college that went on to be even more successful.

Bret thought that seemed like a fair enough trade, since he never really talked to anyone here or made any friends. Now he would be on top of the world. Nothing could stop him.

He didn’t have to worry about declaring his major, because undeclared was a major. He could take whatever classes he wanted, it felt like a dream.

Bret woke up. He slept through his planned meeting with the dean.

EDITOR’S NOTE: Remember to declare your major!