The Top 5 Scariest Places in Sports

Published: October 30, 2008

A dark alley, a deserted old mental hospital—there are some settings that always feel creepy. And while haunted houses and desolate forests are nearly ubiquitous in horror movies, the world of sports has some spooky sites of its own. Enter at your own risk, and don’t say we didn’t warn you of the horrors that lurk inside…

Joba Chamberlain’s passenger seat
Remember Tarantino’s Death Proof? The Yankees closer was picked up on DUI charges earlier this month after being spotted swerving his Beamer all over a Nebraska highway. The bombed Bronx Bomber had been enjoying a classy night at the gentleman’s club until a fellow patron teased Joba about his team missing the playoffs. Allegedly, he blew a .134 after being picked up, which is the most impressive reading he’s gotten on a gun all season

Craig Sager’s closet
You know the scene in “The Shining” when everyone is running through the maze and it’s disorienting and surreal and bone-chillingly creepy? That is what it would be like to be inside TBS broadcaster Craig Sager’s closet, but with Technicolor sport coats and god-awful toupees instead of hedges. The man’s wardrobe is sort of like the biblical story of Lot’s Wife; looking at it could turn you into a pillar of salt, but a morbid curiosity draws you in. Plus, you run the risk of bumping into A-Rod in there.

Anywhere near Pacman Jones
1. Are you at a strip club or anywhere tequila runs more than $100 a bottle? 2. Is someone near you “making it rain” (showering clubgoers, generally female, with $1 bills)? 3. Does the conversation around you keep turning to the fascist dictatorship of NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell? If you answered yes to two or more of these questions, drop what you are doing and run. Think of it as an NFL version of those peaceful, isolated summer camps from a slasher flick: violence is imminent.


Ahead of John Daly in the buffet line
Despite a steady consumption of Diet Coke and cigs, the Portly Putter just can’t keep the weight off. God help you if you find yourself ahead of him when PGA officials lay out the pre-round breakfast buffet, especially if the $5,000-a-hand blackjack tables weren’t kind the night before. And forget “Saw V,” the video of John Daly swinging a driver shirtless in the Missouri sun will truly give you nightmares.

Bill Belichick’s bathroom
If you happen to be invited over to the home of the New England Patriots’ head coach, (perhaps on a Sunday this February, when he’ll be sitting at home with nothing else to do), be sure to steer clear of his bathroom. Judging from his voyeuristic tendencies during the whole Spygate scandal, when the Pats were caught illegally videotaping the New York Jets defensive signals last season, who knows where else this guy has video cameras? If he’s spying on the Jets for Pete’s sake, who went 4-12 last year, you gotta think that no one’s safe.