Published: November 8, 2007

I’ve been riding the Ram Van a lot more frequently this semester, and I have to say I’m grateful to Fordham for providing us with a service such as the Ram Van. For the most part, I have a peaceful time on the van, but there are certain behaviors that I cannot stand.The ride would be so much more enjoyable if people respected the public space that is the Ram Van and stopped engaging in certain annoying activities. Here’s a list of things I really wish you wouldn’t do on the Ram Van:

1. Make telephone calls that last longer than 5 minutes.

Whether they be business or personal calls, please save them for when I’m out of listening vicinity. I’d rather spend the 30 minutes en route to Lincoln Center (or Rose Hill) lost in my own day dreams, not listening to you leaving phony voicemails in your best professional voice. You might like listening to yourself talk, but other people don’t. Besides, why would you want the other six people on the van to know your personal business?

2. Giggle about every bump in the road.

For some reason, everything seems to be funnier when you’re with a friend. I get that. But, what is so amusing about the bumpy road between Lincoln Center and Rose Hill ? Personally, those bumps in the road make me gag, not giggle. Yes, it’s somewhat amusing that the back seat of the Ram Van feels like a roller coaster, but it’s just not that funny.

3. Try to hit on the Ram Van driver.

Okay, I haven’t really seen this happen…yet. I’m just writing this as a precautionary note. Some of those drivers are good looking kids, and they’re very polite, too.  I could see why someone might want to try, but please don’t do it while they’re driving. I don’t want to be witness to any kind of crash—whether it be the Ram Van’s or some poor soul’s pride.

4. Read over my shoulder.

If you want to read the paper, buy your own, please. I can’t explain why, but one of the most irritating things you can do is breathe down someone’s neck while you read over his or her shoulder. If I’m reading the paper, it means I don’t want to interact with you.

5. Snuggle up next to me when there’s room further down the seat.

Don’t get me wrong. I like to cuddle and all, but I feel like we should have dinner first.

6. Sit on the edge of a seat, by the door, and stubbornly stay there as I’m trying to get on.

Some people like to sit next to the window, others like to sit next to the door, probably so they can jump out of there as soon as they can. That’s fine…to each his own. But, if someone’s trying to get on the van, you need to give up the door seat. Seriously…just scoot.

7. Blast your iPod.

If I can name the title of the song you’re listening to and the artist who created it, your iPod is too loud.

8.Talk to a friend across the van.

We’ve all experienced that awkward middle man position. When the person in front of you and the person behind you are talking, there’s simply no place to put your face. Can’t you wait until the Ram Van stops to talk about how you were so intoxicated last night, you almost didn’t remember who you were this morning?

9.Make awkward eye contact with me in the rearview mirror.

Making eye contact is one of the most intimate experiences. It could be a delightful experience, but in the Ram Van…it just isn’t.

10. Be passionate with your significant other.

No, I’m not talking about THAT…I simply mean that I don’t care to see public displays of affection, nor do I want to experience the tension that pervades the air around a dispute between lovers.