One Christmas Eve some time ago, my grandma told me about her time in Puerto Rico (PR). I was sitting with her in my living room. I could almost taste the pernil roasting to perfection in the oven and the cilantro in the “arroz con gandules,” or rice with pigeon peas. We were waiting for the food to cook and she was telling me stories.
She told me she would go around house-to-house singing and dancing, surrounded by maracas, a “guiro” and a guitar. As a thank you for the Christmas songs her neighbors gave her coquito and pernil. Once she finished at one house, those same neighbors would join the group — una parada, it’s called — and continue all night long.
At that time she was known as Evelyn Cintron. Now she’s known as my 68-year-old grandmother, born in the Bronx, who grew up in Humacao, PR, and who always wants to be near her family.
I attended predominantly white institutions my entire life, so being Latina was often a unique experience — one that I could not fully embrace growing up on Long Island
I am lucky enough to have my grandma as a constant guide. When I would go to my grandma’s house, it was always a big gathering filled with people who looked like me. My grandma surrounded herself with other Puerto Ricans — whether they were friends or family — which meant I was surrounded by Puerto Ricans.
I attended predominantly white institutions my entire life, so being Latina was often a unique experience — one that I could not fully embrace growing up on Long Island. In elementary school, I was one of a few students of color in my grade. I had the same experience in middle school and high school. But when I was with my grandma, I was like everyone else. She helped me form an unspoken kinship with other Caribbean and Latine people.
In my experience, Latina grandmas teach culture to younger generations. Through fun and sometimes hard lessons, they teach their grandchildren what it means to be Latine and to celebrate our culture by sharing stories, cooking meals together and learning to speak Spanish — especially during Hispanic Heritage Month. This is also true for other Latine students at Fordham.
Jozsef Balatoni, Fordham College at Rose Hill (FCRH) ’27, is a Dominican and Hungarian student from Ossining, New York. When talking about his grandma, he said that there is importance of acts of service and the Spanish language.
“Because we couldn’t speak, she showed her love in different ways.” Jozsef Balatoni, FCRH ’27
Balatoni did not speak Spanish growing up, and subsequently did not have a solid way to communicate with his grandma. That did not stop them from creating a relationship based on little gestures. Jozsef remembers his grandma sneaking him and his twin brother sweets, like lollipops, and giving him $10 to go buy hard candies or soda from the nearest deli.
“Because we couldn’t speak,” Balatoni said. “She showed her love in different ways.”
Balatoni’s household was filled with predominantly Spanish speakers, so he learned through his day-to-day life with his mom and grandma. .
“I learned a lot of it by ear. She didn’t take me to class; I didn’t have a teacher. Genuinely, her just talking to me is how I picked up the language,” he explained. “Now that I’m older and have a better grasp of Spanish, I’ve been able to talk to her easier when she comes by.”
After the death of her paternal grandma, Carbuccia began to deepen her relationship with her maternal grandma. She has built up this relationship through lunches with her grandma and cousins.
All of these acts have strengthened their bond, which has in turn brought Balatoni closer to his roots.
Beyonce Carbuccia, FCRH ’27, also feels a strong connection to her grandma and Dominican heritage through Spanish. She grew up with her paternal grandma in Yonkers, New York; she lived with her until the age of 10. Carbuccia’s paternal grandma would take her to church and participate in the choir, which she said was one vital aspect of her grandma’s culture — which then became her own.
“My relationship with God was made because of my grandma,” Carbuccia said. Their relationship allowed her to grow up in the church.
After the death of her paternal grandma, Carbuccia began to deepen her relationship with her maternal grandma. She has built up this relationship through lunches with her grandma and cousins. She would sit and eat arroz con gandules at her grandma’s table with all her cousins; these meals were bonding moments for her.
“All of us would only eat at our grandma’s house because of how close she was. Everytime we would have lunch, she would make sure that everyone had a plate, and also taught everyone how to cook,” Carbuccia said. “I’m not the best cook, but she taught me how to cook arroz con gandules and stuff like that, so I thank her for that.”
When spending time with both of her grandma’s, Carbuccia said that Spanish was and is often used.
“Sometimes when I’m at school, I will forget how to fully express myself in Spanish.” What Carbuccia started to do was talk to her family more in Spanish, reconnecting herself with her Dominican culture.
Mhya Tejada, FCRH ’27, is a student from the Bronx. She too has had similar experiences with her grandma who grew up in the Dominican Republic (DR). When she lived with her grandma — who was a second mother figure to her — Mhya remembers her grandma laying in bed with her telling stories.
“She would tell stories about her past, and her time being a teacher in the DR. Stories of her and my grandpa, those were my fondest memories — learning about her past.”
Even though there may be some disconnects between generations, I too have found that the love of grandmas spans any divide.
She credits her grandma with the foundation she has of her heritage. Tejada’s grandma taught her strong Dominican family values, which she carries out today. One of those values she tries to uphold is staying close with her family despite occasional arguments and disputes. Another is passing on traditions, such as cooking.
“She was passing down her knowledge … My grandma taught my mom how to cook, and she taught me how to cook.”
Due to her grandma’s Alzhiemers, Tejada is not as close to her as she used to be, but that does not stop her from remembering how much she cares.
“She forgets some things,” Tejada said. “She’ll ask multiple questions about the same thing. But, I can clearly tell that she still cares. She always has.”
Even though there may be some disconnects between generations, I too have found that the love of grandmas spans any divide.
On top of learning the language and eating the delicious food, my grandma has taught me to be proud of who I am, and to take every lesson as a way to grow. She has instilled in me that being Boricua is something to love.
One way my grandma connected with me was by teaching me Spanish. On the weekends, I would call her and ask her about certain words or phrases, and she would translate them for me. Sadly, I did not pick up the language then, but she is the reason I am studying it now. Her and my mom are my favorite study-buddies; they try to interpret my Spanglish while I practice.
As I grew up, hanging out with my grandma meant learning how to be as Puerto Rican as possible. We would dance, specifically salsa, with my grandma hyping us up by hollering “wepa!” We would listen to music — El Gran Combo and Willie Colon, of course! We would cook recipes that have been passed down for generations. And I would listen to stories about her time in PR, about my mom growing up and my relatives who were either still living or deceased.
Hands down, the best food my grandma has ever made for me is pastelillos. They are the Puerto Rican version of empanadas — but in my biased opinion, they are better. She also makes pasteles — mashed plantains filled with olives and meat, usually beef — wrapped in banana leaves. These treats are only a close second to pastelillos, probably because I only have them during the holidays as they take hours to make.
On top of learning the language and eating the delicious food, my grandma has taught me to be proud of who I am, and to take every lesson as a way to grow. She has instilled in me that being Boricua is something to love.
“I’m very proud of being Boricua,” she told me. “I don’t even know how to put it into words. I was raised being Puerto Rican, and I love it.”
I try to carry myself the way she has shown me, by celebrating my heritage, by connecting with family I don’t see often, and by communicating in Spanish. I try to show others how rich my culture is, whether that means joining committees to help with Hispanic Heritage Month events or simply cooking meals for my friends.
“El que no coge consejo, no llega a viejo,” my grandma tells me all the time. “If you don’t take advice from your elders, you won’t age gracefully.” If I’ve learned anything from my own experience and those of my peers, it’s this: Listening and learning from our grandmas brings us closer to our past and helps us grow into our future.