The Office of Student Involvement announced the decision to merge the popular, intellectual, pioneering, essential and award-winning Lincoln Center-based paper, The Observer, with The Fordham Ram, the Rose Hill campus’ undergraduate publication. The decision has been promoted by a completely legitimate donation originating from an anonymous account in the Cayman Islands.
Fordham journalism isn’t foreign to the concept of new newspapers, as the Curved Horn, Later the Review and The Evex were the predecessors to The Observer.
As our god-kings work in mysterious ways, the future of Fordham-centered journalism is in flux. The news has left an overwhelming majority of the Fordham student and faculty body rocked and despondent.
“This is the worst thing to happen in the history of Lincoln Center,” Elias Ferris, Fordham College at Lincoln Center (FCLC) ’26, said while standing next to our beloved 8-foot-tall obelisk of Robert Moses.
When approached for a statement while she was in her office scrolling through comments on her recent New York Times profile, University President Tania Tetlow responded with confusion.
“Who are you people?” she said. “How did you get into my office?”
An unnamed representative from Public Safety, present at the scene, also spoke at Tetlow’s office.
“You have the right to remain silent, everything you say can and will be used against you,” they said.
“Wait, there are two student newspapers?”David Cole, FCRH ’27
Student body members reacted with shock, not at the merger but at the existence of the student press.
“We have a student newspaper?” Jacob Levinson, FCLC ’25, said.
“Wait, there are two student newspapers?” another student, David Cole Fordham College at Rose Hill ’27, said.
“We do.” The Observer staff
Clearly, the bombshell of the news has impacted the cognitive abilities of even the most astute members of the Ramily.
Staff members of The Observer were asked to comment. When asked if they had thoughts on the merger, The Observer E-Board released an official statement, “We do.”
The Fordham Ram declined to comment at this time.
The email probably had more things to say on the intricacies of the deal, but most readers lost interest around page seven.
The decision to combine has led to some expected creative struggles. A key point of contention was what website and branding to use. The Observer’s higher internet traffic, greater online presence and cutting-edge articles against The Fordham Ram half-century headstart.
After many negotiations, the two staff compromised and adopted The Observer as the name for the joint publication.
Still, questions arise, such as what tagline to keep between The Rams’: “Democracy dies in the lack of light,” or The Observer’s “Journalistic integrity is for cowards.”
To complete the merger, Fordham has hired the firm Kirkland and Ellis. To pay for the services, the university has decided to cut both the athletics and the humanities departments with an additional 4.4% increase in tuition for the 2024-25 academic year.
Following the merger, The Observer released a 40-page email detailing the logistics of the translation to ease confusion in the student body. The papers will now be published under one united system called The Ramserver.
To maintain logistical efficiency, all operations will be conducted as before, and independently of each other. The email probably had more things to say on the intricacies of the deal, but most readers lost interest around page seven.
While some commented, spending millions of dollars for a merger that only changes the name is clearly a money laundering front, most staff members of The Observer strongly disagree for legal reasons.
The new era of Fordham-based journalism has a bright future under the combined powers of the merger.
Cailee • Apr 11, 2024 at 2:03 pm
This article doesn’t really make a lot of sense… if a merger were to happen, then obviously the Ram would take precedent due to its more trustworthy reputation. As an FCLC student, I definitely read the Ram more than the Observer.