In the bustling city of New York, where love is just a four-letter word, romance has taken a back seat as young, twenty-something singles engage in a barrage of noncommittal relationships. While career and friends are in the front, we prioritize ourselves over romantic relationships. It’s almost as though love has become a dirty tradition of the past, as we rebellious young adults have turned to short-term gratifications to fulfill our needs. 

Coming from a traditional Indian family, love is the definition of my existence. The notion of romantic monogamous love is prevalent in each and every aspect of Indian society that values family over individualism, connection over selfishness. From the moment I was born, I envisioned my knight in shining armor rescuing me from a life of banality. 

Perhaps, my definition of love — which is the notion of a fairy tale relationship — is too old-fashioned for this modern world. But why should anyone conform to the norm if they simply are not cut out for casual sex? In my case, my needs from a partner involve security and emotional connection, both of which are absent in casual sex.

My standards and needs are more important than the man who is perfect on paper.

Nevertheless, sticking to one’s own ideals and boundaries is the way to go, even if popular culture demands something else. It is imperative that in the midst of changes, one sticks to what one feels is right. Only you know what your heart wants.

In New York terms, I may be considered a prude, prioritizing real human connection over instant gratification. I almost always prefer to shun dating, warding off unwanted advances from men and engaging in deep friendships over any inkling of short-term relationships. So what happens when love comes knocking on your door? Do you accept it and dream of white swans, red bridal wear and a lifelong relationship? Or do you shortchange your partner into a crusade of flings? 

I would simply deny love if it didn’t meet my standards of commitment and security, even if my lover was the stuff that dreams are made of. My standards and needs are more important than the man who is perfect on paper.

I have fallen in love once and only had one real (short-lived) romance. When Cupid struck me with his arrow to introduce the dashing prince of my dreams, my hormones couldn’t resist the charm of his sway and I fell madly in love. However, as many twenty-somethings might, my partner prioritized himself over love and downgraded the relationship into a casual fling. 

Nevertheless, I stuck to my ideals of real love by immediately reinstating my need for commitment and rejecting his relentless proposals for casual sex. I was left questioning the validity of my feelings of infatuation. Perhaps, it’s better to really know someone before giving them your heart, and only doing so when someone has committed themselves to you. 

By rejecting my partner, I decided not to sell myself short.

Test driving a potential mate by extracting the partner benefits from them without commitment is like eating ice cream without paying for it.

How can my ex so easily give up on love? Is it the millennial fear of missing out? My hairstylist friend — who has years of experience with the playboy lifestyle but now has traded a hedonistic lifestyle for wiser options — has interesting thoughts on this topic. His experience of love prompted him to distinguish my beloved from a man of his word to a man who believed in hedonism. 

Even if my ex had connected with someone profoundly, he still wanted to “test drive” the relationship while scouting other mates. While “test driving” potential mates is not inherently wrong, it is wrong to coerce a woman into a fling if her main goal is to have a serious relationship. One should not “test drive” a partner who is clear from the onset about what they want. 

Test driving a potential mate by extracting the partner benefits from them without commitment is like eating ice cream without paying for it. Only when one commits to a relationship is it worth giving them the benefits of a true partner. In the absence of this bargain, we end up feeling used and discarded, as though we are not good enough for them.

I have decided to stick to my age-old idea of having one romantic partner.

The main point is that one has the ability to set standards for themselves, regardless of what the prevailing culture is. And the partner needs to respect the other’s choice regardless of their desires.

Relationships are seen as “work” by career-driven young professionals and not genuine connections between two people. Career-driven people don’t like to be failures — maybe that’s why they avoid relationships, for fear of failing at them. Conventional wisdom dictates that love is selfless. To love is to prioritize the other’s personal needs over every other need. Love is an action in order to add deeper meaning to life. It is deep, euphoric, stabilizing and trustworthy. 

While society might promote the idea of getting as many experiences as possible, I have decided to stick to my age-old idea of having one romantic partner, even if that means being uncool or celibate all my life. 

Here’s to the one who decides to get away.