Brace yourselves for what may be the most un-American statement ever uttered—I absolutely hate pie. As far as desserts go, pie is the ultimate letdown. If you think about it, the so-called dessert food is simply a mess of goo, sugar and sometimes unidentifiable fruit held together by a dry, bland crust.  How could it possibly compare to sugar heavyweights like cake, brownies and ice cream? That’s right, it can’t.

But apparently, I may be alone in my burning pie vendetta. According to the food world and (randomly enough) NPR, 2011 is going to be the Year of the Pie. No, this isn’t one of those underground ninja movies—food connoisseurs and trend-spotters alike are touting pie as the new king of the food world, toppling last year’s favorite: the cupcake.

I find it hard to believe that pies have anything on the holy cupcake, but in the spirit of America, I’m willing to keep an open mind. After extensive research and consultation with various experts, here’s a list of places you can visit to find pies that have made converts of even the staunchest opponents.

The “You May As Well Be on Vacation” Pie:
Dub Pies NYC Presents The Pie Shop
211 Prospect Park West
Brooklyn, NY 11215
Suggestion: Thai Chicken Curry Pie

Not all pies are created equal; take, for instance, Dub Pies’ Thai Chicken Curry Pie. Made from Thai green curry, coconut milk, mushrooms, chili and more, this pie is for the pie-lovers out there who want a little savory in their sweet lives.

The exotic taste and unusual flavor combination will transport your taste buds to faraway lands where trees sway rhythmically and hair is always perfect for $5.75. The question is: are you willing to get out of the cocoon of the city and rough it in Brooklyn?

The “Like Grandma’s Apple Pie, if Grandma was Paula Deen” Pie
Little Pie Company
424 West 43rd Street
between 9th and 10th Avenues
Suggestion: Sour Cream Apple Walnut Pie

In my quest to find the perfect pie, I came across the story of a man who traveled by train from Connecticut just to purchase the sour cream apple walnut pie from NYC’s Little Pie Company. Is this the pie that launched a thousand commutes? It very well may be. Among all the other apple pies of the world, this one stands out due to its mouthwatering and rich combination of hand-sliced Granny Smith apples and fresh sour cream, topped off with brown sugar, cinnamon and walnut streusel.

The “Crack That Won’t Get You Arrested” Pie
Momofuku Milk Bar
15 West 56th Street
Suggestion: Crack Pie

Other than its giggle-inducing name, the Momofuku Milk Bar has contributed something else to society: the aptly named crack Pie. While the pie itself does not contain any crack—which is either a plus or minus, depending on who you are—its taste is absolutely addictive.

Take it from celebrities like Anderson Cooper and Martha Stewart, who have raved about the famed dessert all over the media. crack Pie tastes like a silky, buttery, pillowy blend of salty-and-sweet goodness. Containing butter, heavy cream, brown sugar, sugar, flour and absolutely no crack, the crack Pie will break your diet, but at the price of $5.25 per slice, it’s completely worth it. You can’t say you’ve had pie until you’ve had crack (Pie).

The “So Close to Fordham, You Might Need a Restraining Order” Pie
Magnolia Bakery
200 Columbus Avenue
Suggestion: Any of their icebox pies

Just a few blocks away from Fordham is Magnolia Bakery, a delightful dessert playground for adults. Magnolia offers two different categories of pie: the standard crust variety and their icebox pies.

Truthfully, their icebox pies are the real draw here—from peanut butter to snickers, banana cream to blueberry jamboree—Magnolia puts a twist on the classic pie by creating a delicious treat made of crushed cookies and cream filling. The taste can best be described as your childhood dreams with a dash of complete fulfillment—yes, it’s that good. What’s more, you can pick up some mini pie goodness for three dollars.