For years, my mom and my mother-in-law have banned my husband and me from watching sports at their homes.  When I was in high school, my mother repeatedly told me that every time I yelled her blood pressure went sky high. My mother-in-law often talks about my husband’s loud chant for more defense and how that led to her buying him his own television.   In 2004, my husband, mother-in-law, and I were lucky to go to the summer Olympics in Athens.   We bought tickets to several events and when she agreed to go the U.S Men’s basketball game against Puerto Rico, I was shocked.  Did she forget who she was about to see a game with?  Needless to say, after the game, she said she would never attend or watch another game with us again.  So, in an effort to help all the non-crazy sports fans, I decided to give them five important tips to make it through a game.

Number 1

Create a clear path away from the viewing area.

This tip can save a trip to the nearest Emergency Room.   Sports fans are very passionate and often jump, run, bang and shadow box after great or awful plays.  Sure, yelling is the primary outlet, but if you live in an apartment, the physical reaction to a play can land your sports fan in the hospital.  Gasp! They are missing the game because you forgot to keep the viewing area clutter free.  To avoid this scenario, it is critical to remove any coffee tables, chairs, magazine racks, plants, shoes, children’s toys, food trays and any other item that may cause a fall.

Number 2

Ensure you have the right
menu options.

After securing a safe viewing environment, the next essential tip is to have plenty of food, beverages (beer, water and soda no wine and juice!  Please save that for another occasion!).  If you’ve got these goods, then you are almost prepared for the game.   The final menu option is throat lozenges. After all the screaming throughout the game, the sports fan will thank you later.   If you don’t have throat lozenges, honey is an acceptable substitution.

Number 3

Eliminate all non-essential commentaries and questions.

If you are a Chatty Kathy, this tip is especially critical for you to remember.  From the moment the game begins, you are allowed to yell, high five, clap, curse, eat and drink. The one thing you can’t do is ask questions.  For example, if you are watching a game and the referee blows the whistle, don’t immediately ask, “What happened?”It will get you in trouble.   This will annoy the fan because he won’t be able to hear the play-by-play announcer confirm the ruling on the field.  Don’t worry about not initially knowing what’s going on because once the fan knows, so will you.

Number 4

Avoid channel surfing.

Whatever you do, please don’t make a move for the remote control!  Always keep in mind that a break in the action or halftime is not an invitation to change to the channel. Sports fans can be as superstitious as athletes. If their team is winning, nothing must change, including the channel.  In the event that their team is losing, it is important to note that the same tip applies.  Actually, it is worse to make a play for the remote because they can miss a great comeback.  Also, you don’t want to give the fan a reason to take out their frustration on you.  The best move here is no move at all.

Number 5

Wear the right team jersey.

This is the easiest of all tips Wear a NY sports jersey.   For example, if you are going to watch the NY Jets, do not wear a New England Patriots or a Miami Dolphins jersey.  If you don’t have a Jets jersey, at least wear the team colors: green and white.  If you are watching a Yankees game, do yourself a favor and do not wear a Boston Red Sox jersey.   If you are watching a Knicks game well, frankly they don’t have any rivalries like back in the day, with the Pacers and Heat. But New Yorkers are hoping for a return to playoff glory.

P.S Only tips 2, 3 and 5 apply when you are at an actual game.