Published February 18, 2010

The closer and closer May looms, the more I hear the question that every senior dreads: “What are you going to do after graduation?” Truthfully, I was pretty much planning on eating Cheetos on my parents’ couch for a few months before doing anything productive. Fortunately, thanks to a little gem of a television show on MTV called “Jersey Shore,” I have now gained some much-needed inspiration for supporting myself in the world, all while being my classy self. With each cast member getting a reported $10,000 per episode for the second season, these people must have some business knowledge to share with the rest of us. Especially during a recession when a college grad can’t even get a job, is it really so wrong for me to say that everything I’ve learned about finding a job I’ve learned from Jersey Shore?

Here are some of my tips for all of you:

Dress for Success

Whether you invented the friggin’ pouf or just GTL (that’s “gym, tan, laundry,” folks) on a regular basis, you have to look the part if you want to be taken seriously.  If there’s anything we learned from The Situation this season, it’s that if you don’t look good, you can’t feel good.  That is why on my next job interview I plan on ditching the traditional business suit and showing up in an Ed Hardy tee, my Long Beach Island sweats and a tan that would make Pauly D jealous. There’s no way that the person interviewing me will be able to resist a bejeweled tee.

Avoid Making Unwelcome Sexual Advances

Welcome ones are totally okay though. With all these pesky sexual harassment regulations, it’d be easy to decide that dating your co-worker would probably be a bad idea. Thank you, “Jersey Shore,” for letting me know otherwise. Sam and Ronnie taught us that dating a fellow employee gives you plenty of time to resolve your current relationship issues, all while getting paid. Whether you need to talk about why you gave your number to another guy at Karma or make sure your boyfriend is not creepin’ on other girls while at the office, working in the same place as your significant other is a great way to multitask.

Know Your Industry Lingo

This one will come in handy when you’re gossiping at the water cooler and don’t need your superiors understanding what you’re saying.  Whether you’re telling your friend about the grenade launcher (really, really fat chick) that you can’t stand in the next cubicle or talking about the guy you smooshed (had sex with) who works in payroll, using “Jersey Shore” lingo will likely confuse anyone over the age of 35 (your boss, that is) and you can say whatever you want.

Know Your Skill Set

Maybe you have your own Situation going on in your mid-section, even if there isn’t too much going on upstairs. Maybe you can out-fist pump Vinny after three Long Island iced teas. Maybe, just maybe, you can do back flips at the club in a dress like Snooki. Whatever it is that you do best, own it and make it your trademark.

Have Pride in Your Work

Even though the only entertaining thing Angelina did was show up with Hefty bags as luggage, I still have to give her credit for giving me some much-needed career advice. When she determined that she wasn’t really the best at selling tacky T-shirts on the boardwalk, she explained how her full time job did much more important things for humanity: “I’m a bartender. I do, like, great things.” Yes, Angelina, you have found your true calling and you should take pride with every vodka and cranberry in a Solo cup that you serve.

Sure, after May, I may not be making my living hot tubbing on camera like J-Woww, but I have learned some very valuable lessons from “Jersey Shore.”  When it comes to finding a job, I’ll follow the lead of the show’s cast and think outside of the box in trying to support myself. And if all else fails, I can always just audition for “A Shot at Love” season 26.