Published: March 12, 2009

Dear Senior Week Committee,

I am writing to you today with a clear agenda in mind: to tell you, point blank, that you are sucking at your job. Yes, you read that correctly: YOU. SUCK.

Before I even began to let myself get agitated about your lack of fun senior activities involving (hopefully) debauchery and heavy drinking, I did a little research just to make sure I was not overreacting. What I discovered was that not only are graduating classes around the nation celebrating the end of their college careers to the fullest—Loyola Marymount has a senior night every Thursday and the University of Connecticut offers a post-graduation trip to Europe—but the Rose Hill seniors are too… and they have been… SINCE THE BEGINNING OF THE SCHOOL YEAR.

So why, I ask, aren’t we? The last time I checked, we pay the same tuition, we cheer for the same football team and we most certainly see our lives flash before our eyes on the Ram Van just as they do. So aren’t we entitled to the same kind of fun they are having?

Now that I feel justified in criticizing the big pile of nothing that you do, I have decided to give you a simple laundry list of items to help you understand where you have faltered.

Item #1: You Should Not Have Waited Until Second Semester—I realize that this is a little bit after the fact, but this is where all of your problems began. You should have started this whole song and dance at the beginning of the year. I’m sure I’m not alone when I say that I want to enjoy and celebrate my last year of having an excuse for my bad decisions, and I want to make more of them while I still can. Rose Hill’s senior committee realized this and said “Yes” to a senior year, not just a senior week. It’s embarrassing that you didn’t follow their lead.

Item #2: Your Events Are Poorly Publicized—The mere 10 “90 to ’09” posters I did see still failed to give me any real information about the event. Even your Facebook group had nothing to tell me. Every senior I asked had no insight to the event. In fact, more than half of them did not even know what I was talking about! I am sick and tired of seeing, “10 of your friends are attending SENIOR NIGHT at ROSE HILL” on my Facebook newsfeed. Please, recognize this as a problem.

Item #3: The Actual Likelihood of Seniors Attending “Transitions” is Very Low (aka Refrain From Planning More Lame Events)—These may be the “better” of the events, but will people really show up? And if people actually want to go, did you make them at a time that they can? Both of these answers are “No.” You could have avoided this whole mess by planning ahead—or at least by planning a few good events instead of a multitude of lame ones.

Item #4: “90 to ’09” Barely Had Any Food And, Even Worse, Did Not Have An Open Bar—If you anticipated a high number of people, did you really think one plate of mozzarella sticks, one plate of buffalo wings and one bowl of tortilla chips were enough to sustain them? And more importantly, did you really think anyone would even show if it wasn’t open bar? I know Fordham has the money to give its students an open bar. How? Two words: alumni events. Does Fordham think that we only earn the open bar after May 16? If Fordham is going to charge me for my drinks, I’d rather hit up Lincoln Park.

Item #5: You May Be In College, But Somehow You Cannot Count—If you were counting down to the last day of finals, the miscount for “90 to ’09” can be understood and possibly forgiven. However, if you were counting down to graduation, I really hope that none of you want a career in punching numbers. The greatest thing about this is how painfully obvious the miscount was—Rose Hill’s “100 Nights” was EXACTLY one week before “90 to ’09.” This not so much a complaint as it is me being embarrassed for you.

So Senior WEAK Committee, what have you learned? Hopefully, that you need to get it together, stop coming up with lame events and petition Fordham for open bar (because it is no secret that they have the money for it). When you have accomplished these things, remember to actually publicize the new and improved events as zealously as apostles spreading the word.

With Love and a Million XOXO’s,

Alexandra T. King, FCLC ’09