Published: January 31, 2008

With the Super Bowl on the horizon and college basketball immersed in conference play, it is essential for a girl to be “on her game” when it comes to the world of sports. But keep in mind there are few rules to follow and a few cardinal sins to avoid when attempting to be “that sports chick” at the bar, or anywhere else:

1.  Do your homework!

I know we are all taking a full load of courses, but if you are going to keep up at the local sports bar or at your friend’s football viewing party, then it is best to know who is playing, some key players from either team and which team to root for. There is nothing worse than when a girl goes to a bar and coyly asks if the Steelers are playing when they were eliminated two weeks ago.

2.  Leave the Gucci and Prada at home.

If your man invites you to watch the game at the local bar or at his friend’s apartment, do not throw on your usual True Religion skinny jeans, ankle boots and slim-fitting, rack-accentuating top. If a guy asks you to a sports bar/party, he does not want to spend all day or night keeping men from throwing stares your way or worrying about other guys spitting game at you while he goes to the restroom. Keep the jeans, but substitute the ankle boots for some cute flats or Pumas and maybe sport the jersey of your guy’s favorite team in a girl’s size; he will definitely appreciate it.

3.  Don’t call him during the game!

For men, there is nothing more irritating or nonsensical than when it’s fourth and inches at the opponent’s 45-yard line and your team hasn’t yet decided whether to go for it or to play for field position and the phone rings. Ladies, it’s a cardinal sin to even consider picking up the phone on a Sunday without first checking your local listings in the paper or the TV Guide to see what game is on. If you want to successfully portray the “sports chick,” call during halftime and say something you caught the announcers discussing, like “Wow, Favre is killing the Giants’ secondary” or “Strahan looked great in the first half, do you think the Packers will be able to contain him better in the second?” This requires you to watch the game just enough to sound knowledgeable and gives you an opportunity to wow your guy with your interest and timely placed call.

4.  Keep the cute guy in a helmet references to a minimum.

Yes, guys are cuter when they have the ability to throw a ball 60 yards for a touchdown while being blind-sided by Osi Umenyiora. However, it does not sound particularly intelligent to call any sports figure cute just because he has his helmet on. No one at the bar or the party wants to hear about a player’s ability to fill out a uniform. Instead, draw attention to your secret crush by saying, “Seriously, why is Antonio Gates listed as tight end when he is the best receiver on the team?” This way, you get to say “tight end” in the right context AND get away with thinking about how nice Gates’s tight-end looks.

5.  When in doubt, play some Madden Football or NBA Live.

The easiest way to get to know a sport is to invest some quality time playing PlayStation 3 or another game console of your choice. What’s a 4-3 defense versus a 3-4?  What’s a dime package?  Play Madden and you’ll learn the intricacies of a Cover-2 in a few short hours. If you get good enough, you might even consider challenging your man to a game. Screw the stomach; the true way to a man’s heart is through his video games.