As The Observer approaches its 40-year anniversary, it is only right to take a deep dive into the dusty halls of the archives to explore some of the best-written headlines in Observer history. From poorly concealed sex jokes to complaints about the Fordham Lincoln Center elevators, these headlines don’t just show how Fordham has changed. More than anything, they show all the ways in which Fordham has stayed the same.
’80s
“Twelve Inches of Pleasure” (1982-04-21): Starting off strong! Get your mind out of the gutter!
“Is Chocolate Thunder the Savior?”(1982-09-08): This headline asks a crucial question, and the answer was, and always will be, yes.
“University Bans Equus Nude Scene” (1983-03-09): Fordham censored students before it was cool.
“Lefties Have Rights Too!” (1983-05-11): There’s a write way to right a headline and this is a master course.
”Most People Read Us, But Many Aren’t Satisfied” (1984-01-23): The Observer had a wide readership but not a large number of contributors, causing some salty content.
“Gays: Organize” (1984-05-09): Probably the most iconic headline of the ’80s.
“Ram Van Exposé: A Mole in the Organization” (1985-05-08): A Ram, a mole and a subway rat get into a van …
“Openly Confused” (1987-05-13): We know the feeling.
’90s
“Sucking Fordham Dry” (1990-02-07): Nothing has ever been more worthy of the side-eye emoji than this headline.
“Ten Ways to Say I Don’t Love You” (1991-02-13): We’ve all been there.
“Do Breasts Come With My Order?” (1993-04-21): No, probably not.
“The Ups & Downs of FCLC’s Elevators” (1995-11-29): It’s nice to see that some things never change.
“What’s Your Bloody Problem?” (1997-03-19): All Fordham London students when they get back to the streets of NYC.
“Ewwww!! Wash Your Hands: It’s a Dirty World (After All)” (1997-03-19): Somehow, this headline is even more true in 2021.
“Somebody Save Me! Please” (1997-03-19): All college kids can relate to this sentiment.
’00s
“Y2K and Y2Gay?: Define Your Spiritual Existence” (2000-02-09): Anyone else getting Sugar Ray vibes? Just us?
“Jesus Was a Topless Black Woman” (2001-02-22): A true Jesuit education.
“How Not to See Anyone Ever Again” (2001-11-01): Step one: Experience a pandemic.
“Catholics and Condoms: Will They Ever Come Together?” (2002-10-24): Oh, how much we love a double entendre.
“McMahon Hall smoking ban is fascist” (2003-10-09): Tell us more, but also, we agree.
“Fordham wants us to get sick and die” (2004-05-06): Was this thing written in 2004 or 2021? You decide.
“I’m voting for Kerry because he’s hot” (2004-10-24): The only hot thing here is this take.
“It’s not you, it’s Jesus.” (2006-12-07): Sometimes, the best way out is to deflect.
’10s
“Sex, Scandal, and the Disney Channel” (2011-5-27): We are hooked. You have hooked us.
“Don’t Text Me—You Don’t Know Me Like That” (2011-6 -11): We’ve all been there.
“Monster Attack on Fordham Imminent” (2011-9-27): Is it really that far-fetched?
“Dear Freud, Mommy Made Me a Wimp” (2012-9-19): Almost a decade later and we college students are still afraid of our moms.
“I’m Not In A Relationship With My Cat” (2012-11-6): For some reason, we’re starting to assume otherwise.
“Next NYC Mayor Cannot be a New England Sports Fan” (2013-8-29): On the eve of another NYC mayoral election, this is a make-or-break consideration.
“Bitcoins Aren’t All That Worth It” (2014-1-27): Literally nothing in the history of Earth has aged worse.
“Ivy League Rejects: You’re Better Off Here at Fordham” (2014-10-28): God, how we all wish this was true.
“Learn to Resist Read a Book” (2017-3-9): Maybe reading really is good for you, but I’m probably going to binge “The Office” anyway.
“I Can’t Get Anything Done” (2017-9-16): Some things never change.
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